further "introspection"

for all intents and purposes, i walk alone. my shadow's the only one who walks beside me.

sorry, that was retarded.

anyway, even if i'm in a friendlationship, to borrow a word from relevant, i'm still alone - in several senses of the word.

i must forge ahead alone in my finances. my car issues now, are completely my own. no one else can take part in the struggles i have with paying insurance and balancing fees and dues. i have to do it alone.
i alone control my relationship with God... even though i have encouragement through my other relationships, no one can relate to God the Father for me... except for His Son, my Intercessor and Redeemer.
my spirituality is mine, and mine alone.
as i sit here typing this blog, the campus is practically empty. i am figuratively talking to you, the reader, but to no one else. tonight, and the rest of the weekend (even with orientation), i will come back to this place alone... i sleep alone, i eat alone usually, i read alone, and i usually think alone.
the reasons that i don't necessarily 'enjoy' being alone... well, for crying out loud, God does not intend for us to be alone! He created a partner for Adam, not only so that he would have a complementary relationship, but so there would ultimately be a COMMUNITY for adam and eve to be in relationship with. we are designed to operate as a body, to bear one another's burdens, so be in prayer for each other about all things, to break bread together, and to share all good things with each other.
the Fall made way for abuses, however... over-dependencies, miscommunications, addictions, lust, and general confusion when relating.
i believe that we ARE dependent on one another, and i experience this when i'm physically alone... my spirit does not let me rest... i am usually uneasy and restless... i think that this is because i deeply feel that my time is best spent showing love to other people, and showing love to God. it is entirely possible that i can show love to God by praying, reading, meditating, etc... but my personality just isn't given to those tendencies... i feel like i please God when i sing to Him, when i write for Him, when i meet the needs of others, when i share the burdens of others, when i act as His hands, or His ears, or His voice.

does that make sense? anyone else have a thought about solitude and its effects on them?