... i thought a lot about solitude this weekend. Saturday, did some shopping, by myself. Sunday, went to church and a concert, by myself for the most part. yesterday, i spent the whole day without any interaction with other people until dinner with the grandparents.
perhaps a consequence of living in a dormitory for 6 years... but i really am uncomfortable with a lot of silence. I don't like to sit on my couch by myself... even with the TV on, the CDplayer on, and my constant glances at my computer screen, it was strikingly silent in my head... and i always seem to wax philosophical when i'm thinking by myself.
this sometimes scares me.
i sat on my couch, surrounded by my TV, stereo, xbox, CDs, DVDs, bookshelves, toys (yes, i have toys), guitars, and computer... and i wasn't satisfied. none of that crap was going to hit the spot, and i knew this, so i sat on my couch and looked around and was amazed at all the STUFF i have, and how worthless it all is ultimately.
the only thing i need is intimacy with God. i have been wired to desire this. deeply in my being, i yearn to commune with God. It's not like i have to manufacture this desire, or otherwise create it in me... it's already there, and i need to brush all the fluff off, or scrape all the crud off, until i unveil this yearning.
being alone this weekend forced me to recognize the kind of cleaning i need to perform, daily, on my spirituality. if i do not foster my yearning for God, i will most certainly ignore it...
and then wonder why i'm not satisfied...
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2 comments:
I think the most interesting aspect of the post is the part that you did not go into. Why were you so frustrated and uncomfortable being alone?
I want to hear introspective Dave's thoughts on that.
see, that's the thing... i don't know how to articulate 'introspective dave' quite so well... that's what i'm learning as i blog.
i'll give it a shot, though...
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