vulnerability

I copied a quote of Derek Webb's from Relevant Magazine last september. look at that old blog for the full quote. as i was reading through my old blog entries, it really hit me again, because i really, truly feel like i'm in this place of freedom that he describes. Personally, anyway, i'm in a place where my close relationships are so unhindered by lies or miscommunication... my important relationships are free from condemnation or confusion on both sides of the relating... it's a peaceful, content feeling that i can't say i've had before.

Derek says at one point that we should be able to say, "I've got nothing to be ashamed of. I've got no fear. I'm totally filled with joy because i'm liberated... because i'm exposed and not scared. That's because i know that God's favor for me is based on Jesus. The Church community should function so that we are liberated, and not afraid of each other... so we can speak honestly to each other and say 'I'm not scared to tell you who i really am. i'm not scared to tell you what my sins really are, not just the ones i'm comfortable with, but my real sins. i'm not afraid to tell you, and that's because i'm not condemned by them anymore, and that's because i believe Jesus is sufficient."

i just talked to a friend who is afraid... fearful of sharing how they really feel about someone. Granted, this is a different kind of context than the comment i just quoted. Derek is speaking specifically of dealing with sin within the Christian community... but i think that the principle he's talking about goes even deeper than he briefly discusses. I think that we are called to clearly communicate with each other and practice this clarity even in relationships that may or may not be romantic. Not only should we feel free in revealing our sinful faults, we should feel liberated to show our other weaknesses.

one of my favorite songs by Derek -
'what you want'

you're softer than a cannon blast
but your effects much longer last
i want you just like a whole in my head
but i need you like a meal and a bed

and you say, 'come on
i'm not what you're after'
but i know you're not just anyone, anyone

'cause i'm not what you want
no, i'm not anyone
but if you needed me
then i could be someone

and you're an army in a horse
and you have taken me by force
All the freedom in the world could not resist
the sweet temptation of your sweet elusiveness

so i say, come on
as the gate swings open
cause i know, you're not just anyone

but i'm not what you want
i'm not anyone
but if you needed me
i could be someone

and the lie is always cheaper than the truth
but the lie is all i've ever known of you
maybe none of this is true

cause i'm not what you want
no, i'm not anyone
but if you needed me
then i could be someone...

that song meant so much to me for a long, long time. Through three significant relationships in which i was on the receiving end of a dump, i could identify with the rejection that Derek was portraying in this song.
the same guy who wrote this incredible song is the same one who encourages us to bare it all before our brothers and sisters. It is possible to experience deep, painful loss and emotional turmoil and still share that with the Body that is called to care about you. We are to care for those in obvious pain as consequence of sin just as much as those coping with the more subtle or hidden aches of the heart.