spirituality

i've always loved church history. one of the main reasons is because of the connection we have with the greater Church... as a believer in Jesus of Nazareth today, i am not necessarily unique in that belief - i am connected with Peter, one of Jesus' first followers, with Francis of Assissi, a monk whose life completely radiated Jesus' teachings, and with John Wesley, whose vision of piety impacted the tail end of the Reformation and brought about an enduring denomination of Christian practice.

I just spent the past 25 minutes praying one line. 'Jesus Christ, God's Son, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

Sometimes there is a chord progression that i hear, or write, that is very simple, yet so moving that i am compelled to play it again, or listen to the riff again, sometimes many, many times through, riding the movement of the music.

for the entire time that i was praying this line, i felt an urge to continue saying it... once i had taken a breath, i wanted to speak it again as i exhaled. I prayed every word fully, contemplating the weight of the name of Jesus, His role as Messiah or Christ, His place as the begotten Son of God the Father, His incomparable mercy toward me, and my place as sinner and failure.

i don't know how many of those reading have prayed for 25 whole minutes.... it's a relatively unheard-of thing in our impatient, fast-food American Christianity. But that phrase was prayed by entire monastic orders, by some monks for entire DAYS, if not entire WEEKS. Thousands of times, this phrase was repeated. Spoken so deeply by their being that their hearts beat with the rhythm of their prayer.

I just connected with them, for a few minutes.

I just connected with God, in a way i haven't in a very, very long time.

Now, i'm looking at some questions from John Wesley's 'Holy Club.' I know that sounds like something a Campbell Student might call 'CUW' or 'Campus Crusade,' aka 'Jihad,' but in Wesley's time, there was a drive to live a virtuous life. How far we have fallen from that! Rather than strive for a virtuous life, we in the Church are content to strive against our vices, and keep them minimized. What a gross misuse of our energies.

Some of these questions are obvious questions for a believer to ask of him/herself - 'am i enjoying prayer?' or 'can i be trusted?' or 'am i proud?'
but, how about this - 'do i pray about the money i spend?' or 'am i defeated in any part of my life?' or ' how do i spend my spare time?'
an even more fundamental question - 'is Christ real to me?'

those in Wesley's Holy Club asked these questions of themselves on a regular basis, and held each other accountable for the answers they gave.

at the same time, i am feeling an overwhelming urge to DO something about my personal, private spirituality... i am no longer content with how little silence i pursue, or how briefly i pray privately. AND, i am feeling burdened to ask these questions of myself and my close, believing, friends. i wish to live a virtuous life - not for my own benefit, but for the exaltation, the glorification, the lifting up of God as He has shown Himself in Jesus.