as i sit here, pondering the decisions that will have the most consequences and carry the most responsibility i've had in my entire life...
i find myself grieving over my failures. some recent, some past.
and, strangely, i'm thinking about the failures of my father, and how those affect me... and how i'm so afraid of living them out in my own life.
i've come face to face with my selfishness again, and it makes me sick to my stomach. i don't know how to love myself, and i have a bad feeling that is going to affect how or if i can love other people the ways i should.
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2 comments:
i struggle with disliking myself too, in fact, better put, despising myself...
...and yes, it does affect if and how you love others.
i can identify with what you say about your father's failures becoming your own.
Sadly, the apple does not fall far from the tree. But, I think that the first step to not becoming just like your father is to realize that you have the ability to be just like him.
You're a good man Dave.
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