i really wish i had a camera.
and, i really wish i had more time to just see the sights around here, instead of rushing back to NC.
i'm learning this weekend (which started on wed. for me!), that i don't have what i consider to be enough control over my thoughts.
For instance - i'm sitting on the observation deck of a small cruise ship taking us around the Baltimore inner harbor, the twilight colors in the sky are an amazing backdrop as we pass by Ft. McHenry (birthplace of the national anthem), and it's possible that we sailed through the spot where Key wrote the song from the harbor, and the flag is boldly waving in the backdrop of early evening, and I'm in the middle of an incredible conversation about faith with an incredible man i'd just met... my mind slips for just a moment... 'i wish she could see this.'
now... WHY does my brain do this to me?
what am i supposed to do with a thought like that?
is it wrong for me to think things like that?
these aren't necessarily rhetorical questions... i would really love to hear some answers.
these are the questions i'm asking myself several times a day.
i just find it amusing, in a way, that my thoughts work the way they do, and i wonder if other people encounter similar, or even different, difficulties.
i would love to learn some mental tricks to keep myself more focused on what's immediate, what's in front of me. but, as i've lamented in a song, focusing isn't as easy as i would like it to be. when i reflect on purging my thoughts, or at least reigning them in, i'm quickly overwhelmed. I think all the time! not necessarily about her all the time, but i think... my mind is moving, analyzing, calculating, adjusting, never ceasing (it feels like).
so, currently i think a lot of thoughts that i feel like i'm not supposed to think. maybe i'm wrong, and it's ok for me to think them, within reason. maybe this time, this isn't something i did wrong.
whatever the case, i'm learning a sort of discipline.
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